So, we’re talking about Brazil because some little boy sitting across from us had a unibrow that reminded me of Rodrigo Pessoa. And Clayton gives me this blank look when I say the name b/c I’m the horse person, not him. Which really means that this whole ensuing conversation is really his fault.
Me: He’s a famous showjumper from Brazil whose unibrow should’ve had its own Facebook page. Come to think of it, a lot of famous equestrians were Brazilian. So I guess Brazil’s kind of known for it.
Him: *gives me a funny look* Er…say that last part again…?
Me: Brazil’s known for its equestrians. Oh, ok and maybe its martial arts. So horseback riding and ass-kicking.
Me: You know, Brazilian Ju Jitsu? If they named a style after your entire country, you can kinda assume you’re a badass in that field.
Him: THOSE are the things you think Brazil’s known for? NOTHING ELSE?
Me: Um…there’s something else isn’t there?
Me: …I dunno. Some kind of Macadamia nut, maybe? Are they famous for their nuts?
Him: I was thinking more like SOCCER.
Me: Who knows Brazil for their soccer players? I’ve never even heard of one.
Him: Ever heard of a guy called Pelé?
Me: He was Brazilian? I thought he was from Mexico…
Him: Oh, honey. …You’re so pretty.*
I’m still not convinced he’s right, but I might defer to him about a sport I’m obviously ignorant of. Not that I’ll admit that to him.
* This was borrowed from another friend’s inside joke, wherein she has a friend who always uses that line when he encounters women who say stupid things. It’s his way of ending a ridiculous conversation that he can’t believe he got tricked into having. Usually the women saying these things are vapid enough that they immediately drop the silly line of reasoning they had and focus on the compliment, completely ignorant of the dig. Apparently it’s not common for them to question the abrupt nature of the compliment, either, which wraps the whole situation up in a pretty bow of irony, if you ask me. It’s now an inside joke for us, too, b/c we don’t mean it meanly, but I got the point and promptly changed the subject to something intellectual. Like the cruise we’re taking in July. Because I’m becoming an expert at that.
UPDATE: So, Clayton wants me to print a retraction because he apparently didn’t actually tell me “you’re so pretty” when I was being Brazi-gnorant. Apparently I just heard this in my head. Which is an entirely different set of problems altogether. He also wanted me to make sure everyone knew that unlike the friend-of-a-friend, who makes that comment as secret digs, he and I say it to each other as a joke. Because to us, it’s a really funny way to respond to someone being foolish. Or Brazi-gnorant. ALSO, my friend Kristy reminded me that Brazil also boasts high incidences of a certain style of
genital mutilation bikini waxes and infanticide, which means that Brazil is damn lucky to be able to claim Rodrigo Pessoa as one of its most redeeming features. Oh, and that rain forest thingy…